What's bakin in the muffin oven?!

Well welcome back everyone! Today on muffin mumbles we will be discussing a couple of new findings discovered on the muffin front! First we have the "starter muffin kit"! for all who dont know what the starter muffin kit is, it is a box full of different sized tampons for different "flows" of that time of the month, and yes their is different flows ladies and gents(mainly gents). it kinda looks like a big bullet for you muffin but very soft. and seriously if you have ever bought a box of bullets, it looks just like that box but alot nicer! This just in, only o.b brand boxes looks like this!(thanks ashley and mindee). These little guys also have names fellas, first we have light for the waiting pool muffins(little flow). next we have regular for the shallow beach muffins or average beach day muffins, no waves.(a little more flow than light). than theirs super for the high tide muffins(crazy flow and bathroom break is just to change tampon, DISGUSTINGGGGGGGG). Than last but not least we have the hurricane katrina of muffin flow, SUPER PLUS TAMPONS(for the levy breaking muffins). Have you ever seen a glue stick? well if you have, this is what a super plus tampon looks like!!! fellas can you imagine putting a goddamn glue stick in your ass!!! sorry to go on a tangent but this is further proof how amazing and awesome the muffin is!! look at what the fuck these ladies have to do monthly guys! Back to the muffin kit, i have been told that their is no real order of flows. you can have hurricane katrina flow one day and then shallow beach flow the next, very interesting! EVERY MUFFIN IS DIFFERENT! Next up we have something i like to call contagious cycle. Did you guys know girls "adopt" the dominant females cycle. you can become the dominant female if your on the pill(birth control). I am not gonna lie fellas, being that i am around these muffins all day i would go home each and everyday and check my undies to see if i had some "SPOTTING GOIN ON". THATS HOW POWERFUL THE MUFFIN IS!! Back to birth control by the way, it can also effect how long your period lasts! Its kinda like muffin jail, you muffin could do 3 to 10!! dont worry, i am talking days!! Last but not least fellas let me just vent right now, i walked into the cooking room the other day and people were cooking with this shit called fish sauce. have you ever fucking smelled fish sauce? It fucking stinks. the part that thru me was some of my coworkers that were in the room said it smelt like "STANK MUFFIN"! honestly ladies, if your muffin smells like fish sauce theirs a huge problem! SO HANDLE THAT SHIT!! ight ladies and gents thats my story and i am sticking to it! hit me up with new ideas cause i love them!!

OTIS SPUNKMEYER